#108 “So instead of sticking up for me, my tech lead came to tell me that I needed to ‘tone it down and be nicer.’”

“I was the primary team member communicating requirements to an offsite teammate. He rarely asked questions and wanted everything in email (fine) but he often insisted I never sent him information that I was sure I sent. Initially my tech lead and I thought I was just forgetting, but when it became a pattern, I started forwarding my original emails with the first time stamp, and cc’ing my tech lead so I had proof I sent the information. So this teammate went to my tech lead to complain that I was ‘bossy and hard to work with.’ So instead of sticking up for me, my tech lead came to tell me that I needed to ‘tone it down and be nicer.’ When I asked what that meant, he told me to stop forwarding my original emails, and that he knows I’m doing what I need to be doing. So I asked, what happens when he calls me a liar in front of the rest of the team? My tech lead said it didn’t matter, even though this person is consistently not delivering his work and blaming me. I struggled with this guy for months. I asked for someone else to be the primary contact for this teammate, but my tech lead insisted I should handle it. As soon as I was moved to a different project, the new guy supervising him asked to have him reassigned because he wasn’t doing his work. The tech lead had no problem when he asked.”