#16 “During this meeting, he told me: ‘I'm gonna need you to tone it down.’”

“I was working with a senior-level male peer who was very difficult to work with. He was also a very large and imposing figure with a loud voice, and I always felt like he used that to intimidate people. We were partnered up for a particular workstream, but I didn't feel like he was taking our deadlines seriously, so I scheduled a one-on-one meeting to sort things out. During this meeting, he told me: ‘I'm gonna need you to tone it down.’ Later on in the conversation, he said: ‘This is your first time being a manager, right? Let me know if you ever want some tips. I can put you in touch with some other WOMEN managers in the company.’

I felt disrespected in this meeting, and I felt like he was using micro-aggression and intimidation tactics. I brought my concerns to my manager, who smiled at the story, shrugged it off, and said, ‘I wouldn't worry too much about it. That's just his personality. He probably had good intentions.’ 

To my knowledge, this peer continued to receive positive performance reviews and top rewards.”